Fear Itself

Ah, October. The month of all things scary and ghoulish. We’ve had a relatively eventful month, I cannot lie. The highlights (and lowlights) included a quick escape to the mountains, one of the twins broke a leg, our first (but certainly not our last) “Trunk or Treat” victory, and a painting project.

The painting project won’t be pictured here, I just needed to add another item to my list for balance in the paragraph. 😬 In case you’re curious though, it was the world’s ugliest IKEA shoe cabinet I picked up on Facebook marketplace. It was salmon pink with rocks glued on the top. It is now a lovely shade of green… with rocks glued on the top. So it’s now the world’s *second* ugliest IKEA shoe cabinet but hey… a win’s a win.

Oh! And I should add… we don’t know how Elijah broke his leg. It’s literally called a “toddler fracture” and we think he did it trying to climb into his brother’s loft bed, but no one actually saw him fall. We are only confident in one thing- it probably won’t be the last cast in this family 🫠

The month has been one of those odd mixtures of tough and beautiful. One moment, running across the house screaming for my husband as my toddler’s split lip spills blood all over the floor. The next giggling into a deliciously soft head as we watch the leaves fall from my bedroom window, snuggled under a soft blanket. A sheen of sweat breaking out along my spine as I watch my daughter get labs drawn, muttering a prayer that she doesn’t do actual harm to the phlebotomist. Taking three thousand pictures of my son’s magna-tile creations, but really trying to capture his dimpled grin into my memory forever. Feeling sure I’ve lost my eternal soul over the frustration of listening to the same son try to read his phonics lesson… without actually looking at the page. Thinking I’m the luckiest woman alive as my husband’s arms grow heavy around me in sleep. Then planning to murder the same husband if he leaves the power tools on my kitchen island for one more day. And on and on it goes.

Life is made of the little stuff, and this season seems to be all gas, no brakes. And everyone tells me to soak it in, but a lot of days I feel like a sponge that might need to be rung out and left in the sun to dry for a hot second. (Beach vacation, anyone??) It’s all kind of a lot, as my best friend and I laugh to eachother on the phone on the daily.

But amidst it all, God continues to teach me. He arrests me in the phonics lesson with the realization of my own anger, and reminds me of His patience with me and my [many] failings of far worse ilk. He gives mercy in the split lips with the blessing of a freezer stocked full of popsicles, and reminds me that my husband is far too valuable in this family to off over some silly messes. And in the midst of the scary season, He commands me not to fear.

I’m told the Bible says “do not fear” 365 times, one for every day of the year. And I used to think that was an encouragement, but I’ve lately realized it just might be a command. And that’s a life-altering one for me. In the midst of the annoying to the downright terrifying, the idea that God can *command* me not to fear? Overwhelming, but also… amazing, because it means I’m capable of it. And I must admit, this revelation has already proven shockingly simple. When I am tempted to “feak out” as my twins say, I remind myself that fear is a sin and has no place in my body. This process may need to happen… a hundred times in a day depending on the circumstance, but I have noticed my joy expanding as I choose to believe God is Who He says He is, and He tells me not to fear.

Joy in obedience… who’d have thought it so.😜

So that’s life lately. What’s happening, what I’m learning. I hope this October finds you joyful and grateful, headed into the Holiday season ready for all the memories and chaos. & I pray you can find the grace to reject the scary, enjoy the crazy, and remember to keep asking God to hold your hand through it all.

With love,

Kelsey